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September 15, 2010

One Shot Wednesday: My Secret

Wanna know my secret?
You think that you might
Until I show you
Then you’ll see the light

Wanna know my secret?
You say it’s alright
Until I show you
Then you scream in fright

Wanna know my secret?
You ask if you may
Until I show you
Then you run away

Wanna know my secret?
You think you’ll be brave
Until I show you
Then find it’s a grave

31 comments:

  1. like the opposites in each verse.. the wordplay works.. :) nice one...!

    My One Shot

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  2. The repetition serves to build suspense - and I was I wouldn't learn the secret. Nice one.

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  3. Love the heightening of mystery with each familiar-yet-progressive stanza, and use of basic language. For me, the best poems use seemingly-simple words to twist one's perceptions, and this work achieves that.

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  4. nice suspense...and chilling end...i like it! nice one shot!

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  5. Bwahaha. This is a terrifically fun One Shot, Eric. Love the repetition. My One Shot is HERE.

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  6. Nice one Eric... this is a great read. Love and Light, Sender

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  7. suspense with a shocking ending...bravo.

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  8. no secrets for me...I am chicken...bkm

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  9. Nice one shot. I for one am not that crazy to know everyone's secrets... having had a few too many myself

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  10. secrets can be scary, but this is a good one shot!

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  11. I like the taunting voice behind the verse. The repetition builds anticipation. Dark poetry at its best.

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  12. Intriguing. Engaging yet repelling. Playful yet ominous. Love it!

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  13. Wow Eric, I was totally into reading about the secret until I came to the end!! What a twist :)
    I also don't want to know lol....nice one shot my friend xx

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  14. It began as a children's rhyme, perhaps for jumprope and then..ended as a campfire scary story. Good one. Tight. Thanks. Gay (@beachanny)

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  15. Nice build up to the pay off line. Thanks for reading and commenting on my poem. Hope your week goes well.

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  16. A grave- Wow!
    Great poem... I don't know if I want to know that secret yet...

    HEY
    Thanks for your comments and corrections and things
    You nice !


    ;)

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  17. Menace and intrigue-- nicely written to preserve the mystery!
    http://mairmusic.wordpress.com/

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  18. Ok that was good, was it love, friendship, family etc, it was just good

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  19. you just never know what may be revealed, eh?

    by the way, tag...you're it!

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  20. Oh, that was real good, Eric. Completely hooks the reader with the first line and builds so well to the end. cheers

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  21. if I tell you, I'd have to kill you, huh? Good one shot, eric!

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  22. love the playfulness in your work, Eric.
    it flows very beautifully,
    the ending gives one chill, yet it is lingering with beauty.

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  23. Like it. You have got an interesting end.

    ॐ नमः शिवाय
    Om Namah Shivaya

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  24. My one shot... http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com/2010/08/whispers-of-desires-conflicts-and.html

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  25. Who needs a shovel when you dig graves with words?

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  26. Nice word play and please do tell me the secret :)

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  27. wonder what kind of grave your secret is

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  28. i see what you mean about the similarity in our work this week...cheers for sharing pete

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  29. Wonderful--great way to build suspense.

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  30. ooohh..gave me the chills, Eric!!
    Now I am really thinking if I wanna know your secrets! :)

    A very nice and bold poem... me loves!!!

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  31. Great build-up. Chilling conclusion, like I've been showered in ice.

    Goosebumps all over.

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