Followers

September 15, 2010

One Shot Wednesday: My Secret

Wanna know my secret?
You think that you might
Until I show you
Then you’ll see the light

Wanna know my secret?
You say it’s alright
Until I show you
Then you scream in fright

Wanna know my secret?
You ask if you may
Until I show you
Then you run away

Wanna know my secret?
You think you’ll be brave
Until I show you
Then find it’s a grave

31 comments:

  1. Vinay Leo R.September 15, 2010 at 11:09 AM

    like the opposites in each verse.. the wordplay works.. :) nice one...!

    My One Shot

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  2. GlynnSeptember 15, 2010 at 11:56 AM

    The repetition serves to build suspense - and I was I wouldn't learn the secret. Nice one.

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  3. Steve IsaakSeptember 15, 2010 at 12:41 PM

    Love the heightening of mystery with each familiar-yet-progressive stanza, and use of basic language. For me, the best poems use seemingly-simple words to twist one's perceptions, and this work achieves that.

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  4. Brian MillerSeptember 15, 2010 at 1:08 PM

    nice suspense...and chilling end...i like it! nice one shot!

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  5. Monkey ManSeptember 15, 2010 at 1:33 PM

    Bwahaha. This is a terrifically fun One Shot, Eric. Love the repetition. My One Shot is HERE.

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  6. AnonymousSeptember 15, 2010 at 2:05 PM

    Nice one Eric... this is a great read. Love and Light, Sender

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  7. SuziCateSeptember 15, 2010 at 2:07 PM

    suspense with a shocking ending...bravo.

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  8. signed...bkmSeptember 15, 2010 at 2:26 PM

    no secrets for me...I am chicken...bkm

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  9. AnonymousSeptember 15, 2010 at 2:30 PM

    Nice one shot. I for one am not that crazy to know everyone's secrets... having had a few too many myself

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  10. Everyday GoddessSeptember 15, 2010 at 3:55 PM

    secrets can be scary, but this is a good one shot!

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  11. AnonymousSeptember 15, 2010 at 4:23 PM

    I like the taunting voice behind the verse. The repetition builds anticipation. Dark poetry at its best.

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  12. BelindaSeptember 15, 2010 at 4:34 PM

    Intriguing. Engaging yet repelling. Playful yet ominous. Love it!

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  13. AnonymousSeptember 15, 2010 at 4:58 PM

    Wow Eric, I was totally into reading about the secret until I came to the end!! What a twist :)
    I also don't want to know lol....nice one shot my friend xx

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  14. BeachannySeptember 15, 2010 at 5:45 PM

    It began as a children's rhyme, perhaps for jumprope and then..ended as a campfire scary story. Good one. Tight. Thanks. Gay (@beachanny)

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  15. John (@bookdreamer)September 15, 2010 at 5:49 PM

    Nice build up to the pay off line. Thanks for reading and commenting on my poem. Hope your week goes well.

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  16. Dulçe ♥September 15, 2010 at 6:21 PM

    A grave- Wow!
    Great poem... I don't know if I want to know that secret yet...

    HEY
    Thanks for your comments and corrections and things
    You nice !


    ;)

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  17. AnonymousSeptember 15, 2010 at 6:36 PM

    Menace and intrigue-- nicely written to preserve the mystery!
    http://mairmusic.wordpress.com/

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  18. Kodjo DeynooSeptember 15, 2010 at 8:33 PM

    Ok that was good, was it love, friendship, family etc, it was just good

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  19. limeSeptember 15, 2010 at 9:26 PM

    you just never know what may be revealed, eh?

    by the way, tag...you're it!

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  20. dustusSeptember 15, 2010 at 10:02 PM

    Oh, that was real good, Eric. Completely hooks the reader with the first line and builds so well to the end. cheers

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  21. SheilaSeptember 15, 2010 at 11:11 PM

    if I tell you, I'd have to kill you, huh? Good one shot, eric!

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  22. Linda Bob Grifins Korbetis HallSeptember 15, 2010 at 11:24 PM

    love the playfulness in your work, Eric.
    it flows very beautifully,
    the ending gives one chill, yet it is lingering with beauty.

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  23. Shashidhar SharmaSeptember 15, 2010 at 11:26 PM

    Like it. You have got an interesting end.

    ॐ नमः शिवाय
    Om Namah Shivaya

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  24. Shashidhar SharmaSeptember 15, 2010 at 11:34 PM

    My one shot... http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com/2010/08/whispers-of-desires-conflicts-and.html

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  25. Kathleen OverbySeptember 16, 2010 at 9:28 AM

    Who needs a shovel when you dig graves with words?

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  26. Wild RoseSeptember 16, 2010 at 11:54 AM

    Nice word play and please do tell me the secret :)

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  27. ClaudiaSeptember 16, 2010 at 3:44 PM

    wonder what kind of grave your secret is

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  28. MarshySeptember 16, 2010 at 5:01 PM

    i see what you mean about the similarity in our work this week...cheers for sharing pete

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  29. TeresaSeptember 16, 2010 at 6:17 PM

    Wonderful--great way to build suspense.

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  30. AnonymousSeptember 17, 2010 at 2:34 AM

    ooohh..gave me the chills, Eric!!
    Now I am really thinking if I wanna know your secrets! :)

    A very nice and bold poem... me loves!!!

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  31. ninotazizSeptember 18, 2010 at 10:36 PM

    Great build-up. Chilling conclusion, like I've been showered in ice.

    Goosebumps all over.

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