Followers

June 28, 2011

Denial

Mom?

I don’t want to see.
I don’t want to see.
I don’t want to see.

When is Christmas, mom?
It won’t be long now.

When is dinner, mom?
It won’t be long now.

When will I be able to drive, mom?
It won’t be long now.

When will she get here, mom?
It won’t be long now.

When should I get married, mom?
It won’t be long now.

I don’t want to see.
I don’t want to see.
I don’t want to see.

When will this baby stop crying, mom?
It won’t be long now.

When do you retire, mom?
It won’t be long now.

When will the doctor get here, mom?
It won’t be long now.

When will the test results get back, mom?
It won’t be long now.

When will you be leaving us, mom?
It won’t be long now.

I don’t want to see.
I don’t want to see.
I don’t want to see.

I didn’t want to write this, mom.
But it won’t be long now.




The invasive carcinoma (cancer) in my mother’s brain has returned and is spreading. It’s now to the point of being inoperable. The swelling in her brain has made it hard for her to verbalize her thoughts, which is frustrating for everyone, especially her. She has trouble saying the right words.

When she overheard my father talking to the neurosurgeon in the hospital hallway about her inoperable condition, she understood what that meant. Dad came back into the room and she looked at him and repeatedly plead, “I don’t want to see. I don’t want to see. I don’t want to see.”  He knew she meant “I don't want to die.”  I'm sorry to say, it won't be long now.

11 comments:

  1. oh, i am so sorry to hear this, eric.
    hugs to you. sending love.

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  2. Very sorry to hear about your mother. Sending you hugs and prayers.

    Adsila

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  3. I am sending positive healing energy to you and your family. Your mother knows that you are in a good place in your life, happy, healthy, a parent who relates with her own voyage. She is content knowing you are well and you got all the best things she had to teach you and mold you when you were young. She will want you to carry on her part in the family events. At least, as a mother myself, that is what I would feel for my son. We are all with you, you are not alone. I have been there. It's a day at a time. We will boost you whenever you need it. You boost us with your writing every day.

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  4. I am so sorry, Eric. Praying for you and your family during such a difficult time. Keep writing it out for someone will read your words and not feel so alone.

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  5. I'm so sorry, Eric. So sorry.

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  6. What a heartbreaking poem. I am sad for you all. I don't want to see. Wow. Hit me rock solid between the eyes. I knew what she meant to. I feel it for you also. I don't want to see this death, I don't want to see the hour glass and the last grain of sand fall painfully into slumber. So so sorry Bubba. Those last two lines. Oh my. ((Hugs))

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  7. Oh my. I'm so sorry to hear this. What a difficult time. **BIG HUG** <3

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  8. *Hugs to you Eric*

    Be strong and I will pray for your family.

    Your story actually reminded me that I should go home to my native country and see my dad who is not feeling well. I am actually planning to see him by late this year. Hopefully he is still fine as the doctor has given him at most 3 years to live. My brother told me to visit him while he is still alive, not when its during the funeral.

    Again...big hugs to you and your family*

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  9. I am sorry, Eric. Hope you are doing ok.

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  10. Out of sadness and heartbreak comes amazing writing like this...life so bittersweet...and we poets must be the witnesses...take it all in, take it all down...transform it into something poignant such as this--that all humankind may relate to.

    My thoughts are with you.

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You may put in your 2¢ worth, but I'll only pay you a penny for your thoughts.