November 16, 2010

It’s Not Easy Being A Smart-Ass

“Better a smart-ass than a dumb-ass” is what I always say
But let me tell you, brother, it’s not easy being this way

You have to keep on high alert to all that comes or goes
Like a midget at the urinal, you must stay on your toes

Every word that meets my ears comes in a different hue
A man tips his hat to a lady and says, “Nice to meat you"

It isn’t always wise for me to let these things be read
Sometimes things get hard on me (- that’s what SHE said!)

Innuendo is a spice that’s readily addictive
True wit follows paths that are a little more restrictive

Scenarios keep on happening; you must always be ready
And you must remember all the cracks you’ve made already

It also takes a little time for one to learn discretion
Not to take the easy swipes when wit is your possession

It’s tempting to spike each ball when trying to earn your letter
You have to let the small ones pass and wait for something better

But being such a smart-ass is not without its dangers
You have to know your audience; beware of teasing strangers

They say, “Don’t let your mouth write a check your body can’t cash”
So think twice before your double-entendres start to get too rash

There’s nothing I like better than getting in a real zinger
Some were so good that, even years later, they still linger

The fishies gotta swim and the birdies gotta fly
And I will always be a smart-ass ‘til the day I die


  1. Especially disturbing when addressing a vegetarian lady. :D

  2. This is awesome are a wonderful smart ass indeed! Gotta love a man that tells it like it is, and can make it rhyme as well!....Love the stuff that pops into your head! :-)

  3. Thanks, Carrie! I'm glad to be able to share them once in awhile (so they don't stay in my head and eat my brain!)

  4. lol! Fun read, Eric.

    My Mother always says there's a fine line between wit and sarcasm, but it seems you walk it confidently :)

  5. Fun read Eric.
    I love banter and currently miss it in my life. There is something about flirting with that line and learning just how far one can go without crossing it.

  6. You made me laugh for the first time in a long time in blogland! Thank you for sharing your smart ass, (read Walking Man's blog today, HERE

  7. haha, that was awesome...enjoyable read eric!

  8. i love it. I think pretty much everything I hear is a dirty comment.

  9. A fun poem. Thanks for sharing it.

  10. Ha! You keep me laughing, Eric. :)

  11. I would mount that on my wall in a frame and rehearse it everyday! love it!

  12. Funny with a good doze of wit. What a great combination. Great poem!

  13. Thanks for the nice comments everybody! :)

  14. Hey Smart-ass. And you also KICK ass, that's a cool combo.


  15. Wow this one was crazy..nice crazy I mean :) I wish I could be a smart-ass instead of a dumb-ass too


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