December 20, 2011


I miss those
who are gone
even more
at the end of the year

The holes
they’ve left behind
seem bigger

Empty echoes
in my mind
where they once dwelled

Maybe because
of the holidays

Maybe just backlash
from all the times
I’ve pushed their memories away
during the rest of the year

Drink offers no relief,
it only makes me tired and sad

I try to hide myself
in familiar comforts
like music,
playing the same old songs

But they just don’t
sound the same

There are missing notes

I feel their absence
when I
would have
been singing

Faint sounds
drift back to me,
now and again,
on cold winter winds

I seek solace
in other distractions
but, in the end, nothing
replaces the nothing
crowding within my heart

I hate myself
for wallowing in sorrow

There are many
who suffer
– truly suffer –
struggling every day
without food
or shelter
or love
living alone
in a cruel, uncaring world

My own woes
ring so hollow
in comparison,
sounding grossly selfish
whenever I step back
to reflect upon them

But logic gives
no absolution
and does not change
how it feels

And though I remain
for the good things
I have in my life,
I can never
that which is


  1. Awww...that's a touching one Eric. I'm spending some of my holiday time among ghosts too. It's not a bad thing to remember those who are missing. I find these lines particularly lovely:
    but, in the end, nothing
    replaces the nothing
    crowding within my heart

  2. Very touching indeed, Eric, and it certainly applies to me for the season this year. It will be a sad time for my children and I this year as their father is not likely to survive the month. Thank you for saying it all


  3. Never beat yourself up for grief. It's a constant process. I am far enough out in my grief that I feel like I carry all my loved ones with me as si.lent cheerleaders. They are perched on my heart and looking out for me in my decision making process. I can hear them saying "Do you really want to do that, She-She?" and best of all, "I'm so proud of you!" If a person has a strong emotional voice in their lifetime, it echoes after their passing.

  4. felt man...this is the time of year we notice them the most with the empty chairs...i like how autumn frost views it...the silent cheerleaders....merry christmas man

  5. We can't talk ourselves out of feelings. They just are. Might as well live them out. Perhaps in giving them breath, they finally take flight.

  6. (With tears in my eyes) very nicely written. I am thinking of my Dad. He has been gone 7 years now.

  7. very true that there are many who are less fortunate but feelings don't care about that and we still have to experience them. Merry Christmas to you, friend. The first year is always the hardest, I think.


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